It’s a good question. More of a serious question, but still a good one. I know I don’t know where you are in life, or let's face it, I don’t even know who you are- but let me answer it for you anyway. Yes, you are.
Have you ever asked yourself this question? Or has anyone ever asked you this too? How can you answer it? There are so many things to think about when this (lovely) question pops up. But when you think about it, it’s kind of broad too. For example, is there something specific you should be thinking about when asked this question or is it something that’s not supposed to be easy to answer? Even writing that sentence makes me confused and overwhelmed.
We all have our moments. Our good days make us feel great, but then those days that just feel sucky bring us certain unwanted thoughts and questions. Personally, I think I’m doing well in my life. I’m happy (for the most part) and I understand that I’m privileged. I’m privileged in the fact that I have a supportive family, I have a roof over my head, and I work in a great environment. But, does this mean I’m doing good enough? One unwanted comment from someone in my life can make me question myself. To be honest, it already happened and that’s why I decided to write this blog.
People have different expectations. And that is ok.
All you need to know is that if you’re here, staring at these words, you are doing great. You went out of your way to click on a blog post on a therapy website. You’re trying and we notice it.
What Does “Better” Look Like?
It’s hard to think about people’s opinions. They create voices in your head sometimes saying that you need to do better- but what is the definition of better?
For some, the definition of better could be:
Smiling more often
Volunteering
Enjoying their job
Having a healthier social life
Taking on a new responsibility
Creating new and realistic goals
Eating better or even being able to eat a sweet more often than not
Not being late to things anymore
Going to therapy
Not needing to go to therapy weekly anymore
Do you have any to add to the list? I know I can write more right here right now, but then the list might be too boring to read. Don’t forget that the little things matter too!!
Our purpose in our lifetime is to not live for others, but for ourselves. It’s kind of like the airplane rule- that you have to take care of yourself before the person next to you. What I mean is that, you have to focus on the things that make you, you. Do what makes you happy. That way, feeling like you’re doing good enough will be easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Stand your ground. Be proud of yourself. Like I said before, I don’t know you, but I do know something about you. I know that you’re on the right track and it doesn’t matter where and when it started. So trust me, you’re doing great.
No, But Really, What Does “Better” Actually Look Like?
Haha jokes! I got you!
Now in all honesty, it really depends. Like I said, “better” is different for everyone. Although, there are some things you can do to help yourself feel like you’re more on the right track.
Some ideas to help make you feel like you’re on the right track could be:
Writing a “done” list instead of a “to-do” list.
Changing your outlook on things can make a difference in your mindset. I mean think about it- what feels better to look at, a list that still has things not crossed off or a list that shows everything you’ve completed that was once blank?
Don’t forget that little things still matter here too! Why not write down that you got out of bed?
Self-talk. That’s it.
Be real with yourself. Why put so much pressure on yourself? That pressure could make you feel worse for no reason. Catch those negative thoughts and change them into positive ones. If you continue to have those negative thoughts let's think about this- would you say them to someone you care about?
I know it’s easier said than done, but stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone is different and that’s what makes the world go round.
Talk to someone. Get a different perspective from someone you enjoy being around.
It’s easier for someone on the outside to notice the positives sometimes.
Mistakes are ok!
You learn from them. So, don’t always focus on the outcome of things. Think more about the process and the lesson you learned from it. Trust me, we’ve all been there.
Remind Yourself:
It doesn’t do you any good to worry about the thoughts of others. Focus on your mental health. Everyone has a different pace to do things. For instance, not everyone has an idea of what they want to do right when they graduate high school. It’s not abnormal to not have your whole life figured out, or plans changing in the middle of your “plan”. Just do what makes you happy and you’re already doing whatever “good” is.
See Your General Practitioner: If you are worried about your physical or mental health or if you're in need of a routine checkup, you should make an appointment with your doctor.
Written by,
Eliana Cohn, LSW
www.cuttingedge-therapy.com
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