Making and maintaining friendships as an adult takes effort, more than when we were younger, but friendships are essential for our emotional well-being. They provide a sense of belonging, support, and joy that helps enrich life in countless ways. Good friends help us navigate challenges, celebrate successes, and make everyday moments more meaningful, which is why having healthy friendships as an adult is even more meaningful and important. Unlike childhood friendships that often form naturally through school, play, or even parent relationships, adult friendships require intentionality.
While making friends as an adult can feel and is challenging, with the right mindset and approach, it’s absolutely possible. To build new friendships, start by being open to new experiences and putting yourself in environments where like-minded people are. Join a club, take a class, or participate in community events that align with your interests. The more you put yourself out there, the more chances you will have to connect with others.
Say “yes” more often. If someone invites you to an event, gathering, or activity, make an effort to go unless you truly cannot make it. Even if it’s outside of your comfort zone, saying yes to opportunities can lead to unexpected friendships. With that, be open to initiating conversations, even if it feels awkward at first. Friendships often begin with small talk. Whether you’re at work, the gym, or the grocery store, strike up conversations and be genuinely curious about others. Simple gestures like asking someone how they are, about their hobbies, or inviting them for coffee can open the door to deeper connections.
You also don’t always have to start from scratch; try reconnecting with old friends or acquaintances. Reaching out to people you have not talked to in a while can reignite those connections that may have faded over time due to things like just life getting in the way. Friendships also grow more easily when you have some shared hobbies or passions. Joining groups related to your interests, like a book club, a fitness class, or a gaming community can be a great way to connect with people about things you know you are interested in.
Be consistent and follow up. One good conversation with someone doesn’t automatically turn them into a friend. Follow up with them by suggesting another meet up, sending a quick message, or checking in to show you’re interested in maintaining the connection. Take initiative, and don’t be afraid to be the one who invites people to do things. Plan a casual hangout, suggest grabbing coffee, or organize a small get together. Many people are looking for friends but may hesitate to take the first step.
Be a good listener and be yourself. People truly do appreciate those who genuinely listen and have an interest in their lives. Being present, asking thoughtful questions, and remembering details about what they share can strengthen new connections. People also appreciate authenticity. Instead of trying to impress, focus on being genuine and finding those who like you for who you are.
Making friends is one thing, and maintaining them is another. As mentioned above, friendships as an adult require effort and small, intentional actions can go a long way. Here are some tips to keep in mind to help keep your friendships strong over time.
Make them a priority. Life gets busy, but just like work or family commitments, friendships need to be nurtured. Set reminders if you need to check in, schedule catch-ups, and make time for those who matter to you.
Be the one to reach out. Friendships shouldn’t feel one-sided, but sometimes people get caught up in the busyness of their own lives. If you haven’t heard from a friend in a while, don’t assume they’re uninterested. Try sending a message and invite them to hang out or grab coffee.
Accept that friendships change over time. People go through different life stages at different times, and it’s just a fact that friendships may shift. Instead of resisting inevitable changes, embrace new dynamics, whether it means seeing each other less often or bonding over different topics.
Be reliable and supportive. Good friends show up when it matters. Whether it’s celebrating achievements, being a listening ear or shoulder to cry on during tough times, or just checking in, reliability helps to strengthen the trust and deepen the friendship.
Embrace different forms of connection. Maintaining friendships doesn’t always mean constant in-person meetups. A quick text, a funny meme, or a virtual chat can help keep the bond alive, even if schedules don’t always align.
Be open and honest. Misunderstandings and unmet expectations can strain friendships. If something is bothering you, communicate it with kindness instead of letting resentment build up.
Celebrate each other’s wins. A true friend supports your success rather than competing with you. Be genuinely happy for your friends’ achievements and milestones, just as you’d hope they would be for yours.
Make new memories together. Friendships thrive on shared experiences. Try new activities, take trips, or just spend quality time together to keep the connection fresh and exciting.
Recognize when to let go. Not all friendships are meant to last forever. If a relationship becomes toxic, one-sided, or causes stress, it’s okay to let it go. Healthy friendships should bring joy, not emotional exhaustion.
Friendships evolve over time, and that’s okay. People change, and sometimes friendships shift or fade. The key is to cherish the connections that bring positivity and mutual support while letting go of those that no longer serve you. By being intentional, communicative, and present, you can have lasting friendships that enrich your life in countless ways.
Written By,
Emily Blair, ALMFT
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