You did it! You and your partner made it through the steps of the Sound Relationship House, all the way to the top. When we get to the top, it’s kind of like things come around full circle because the last floor focuses on creating shared meaning within your relationship, which is essentially building and understanding your inner world as a couple. The Gottmans describe it as “developing a culture of symbols and rituals that express who you are as a team.” It involves building a sense of connection and understanding around common values, goals, and rituals. This process fosters a deeper emotional bond and a sense of partnership. While one of the main focuses is how to incorporate more rituals of connection together in your lives, here are some other ways to create shared meaning throughout your relationship.
It can be important to identify core values you both share. Have open conversations about what is important and meaningful to each of you. These might include family, career, health, spirituality, adventure, etc. Identify values that you both share and discuss how these can shape your relationship and future decisions.
Set shared goals together, both short-term and long-term ones. Setting immediate goals that you can work on together can help strengthen your connection and help motivate you both. These can look like planning a vacation, saving for a big purchase, or starting a new hobby. Discuss your long-term dreams and aspirations as well, like discussed in the previous level of the Sound Relationship House. Work on creating a plan to achieve these goals together.
Communicate regularly and consistently. Have regular check-ins to discuss how you’re both feeling, any concerns, and what’s going well in your relationship. Also make time to have meaningful and deeper conversations. Spend time together talking about your hopes, dreams, and future plans. Share your thoughts and listen to your partner’s perspectives to ensure you’re both getting what you need.
It can also be helpful to engage in activities and hobbies that you both enjoy and create lasting memories. Develop joint hobbies and interests that you both can do as a couple. You can attend classes or workshops to learn something new and exciting together, or you can get more involved in one anothers hobbies. Whether it’s cooking, hiking, painting, or playing a sport, doing things together strengthens your bond.
Travel, take photos, and enjoy new experiences together. Share stories from your past that shaped who you are. Understanding each other’s backgrounds can deepen your connection and help build your shared history as well.
Show support for your partner’s personal goals and ambitions. It can go a long way when you show interest and provide encouragement throughout this process. You want to strive to balance personal aspirations with shared goals, ensuring that both partners feel supported in their individual pursuits. With that being said, look back on that vision you created together for your future. Ensure you discuss what that vision looks like together and make sure you are taking the steps necessary to get there.
Nurture your emotional connection while going through this journey together. Be there for each other, emotionally and physically. Offer empathy, understanding, and comfort, especially during challenging times. Foster emotional and physical intimacy through affectionate gestures, meaningful conversations, and quality time together.
Make sure you are taking the time to reflect and celebrate. It can get easy to get lost in the process and actions it takes to reach the goals, so ensure you are regularly reflecting on what you have accomplished together. Celebrate your successes and growth as a couple, even if you haven’t fully achieved all your goals. Mark important milestones in your relationship, such as anniversaries and other significant events, to recognize your journey together.
As mentioned above, building rituals of connection within your relationship is a main factor of creating shared meaning together. This entails creating consistent and meaningful practices that strengthen your bond and provide opportunities for connection and intimacy. It can be as small as getting take-out every Sunday evening together or how you celebrate birthdays and anniversaries. Here are some strategies to help you and your partner develop and maintain these rituals.
Daily check-in’s: Whether it’s morning rituals or evening recaps, it’s important to intentionally build in daily check-ins with each other. Start the day with a few minutes of connection by sharing a cup of coffee or discussing your plans fo the day. Or you can end your day by talking about how your day went. Share highlights, challenges, and anything on your mind. This can be done over dinner, during a walk, or before bed.
Weekly traditions: Set aside time every week to ensure you are building and strengthening that connection all the time. You can set aside one night a week for a date night. This can be anything from going out to a favorite restaurant to having a movie night at home. You can also engage in a regular activity or hobby that you both enjoy as mentioned above. The key is spending quality time together without distractions.
Monthly or seasonal rituals: Try to plan a new adventure or activity each month. This could be visiting a new place, trying a new hobby, or attending an event. You could also celebrate the changing seasons with special traditions, like pumpkin picking in the fall or beach trips in the summer. Come up with them together and make sure you both enjoy the rituals you decide.
Special occasions: Celebrate anniversaries with meaningful activities that reflect your relationship’s journey. This could be revisit the place of your first date, writing love letters to one another, or creating a scrapbook of memories. Also make sure to acknowledge and celebrate personal achievements and milestones, such as promotions, birthdays, and other significant events both of you experience.
Daily acts of affection: Make sure to incorporate your partner’s love language into every day living. If you know your partner loves physical touch, incorporate it regularly into your daily routine by holding hands, hugging, or cuddling. If your partner needs more words of affirmation, express love and appreciation through words. Compliment them, say “I love you” regularly, and acknowledge each other’s efforts. These acknowledgments and gestures can go a long way.
Rituals for difficult times: In any relationship, challenging times can get in the way of many things. It can be helpful to establish a ritual for handling conflicts constructively. This might include taking a time-out, having a designated space and time for difficult conversations, or using specific communication techniques. It can also be important to create rituals for supporting one another during stressful times, like providing space when needed, practicing mindfulness together, and other things your partner may specifically need.
Gratitude/other create expression: It can be easy to get lost in the stress and negativity of life. Keeping a shared gratitude journal where you both write down things you are grateful for in your relationship can help keep things in a more positive perspective. Review it together regularly. You can also incorporate a daily or weekly gratitude ritual or creative project where you express appreciation for each other and the positive aspects of your relationship.
There are so many different ways to incorporate and build rituals of connection within and throughout your relationship, but it does require intentionality and effort from both partners. By including these into your daily, weekly, and monthly routines, you can further nourish your relationship, create meaningful memories together, and increase your connection by building your inner world together one step at a time.
Written By,
Emily Blair, ALMFT
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