Everyone is so busy nowadays. Weekdays are filled with school demands, extracurricular activities, work, chores and if you're lucky some sleep happens as well. Weekends sometimes even busier with acting as chauffeur to all your kids’ games and activities, family and friends’ events, school projects, grocery shopping and not to mention, trying to catch up on all the things that you weren’t able to get done during the week that you hoped you would and needs to be done before starting all over again on Monday.
Trust me, I get it. I have two kids of my own and my spouse and I also try to fit in a date night once in a while too. Time just seems to fly, calendars are always full and I often wish for a few extra hours in the day to bring more peace and serenity to the chaotic days that often unfold. However, with all that said, one thing we ALWAYS make time for is family dinner. Sometimes it is just the four of us, sometimes we may have another family or two join, sometimes we are home and sometimes we are at a restaurant. What is consistent and predictable is us valuing time sharing a meal with one another.
The length of that time may vary depending on the day, but the kids have come to expect that when it is time to eat together, phones are away, televisions are off, and they know we are there to listen, to laugh and to share.
As we know, having a balanced diet is vital for your health and has an impact on mood and attention. However, did you also know that regular family dinners are associated with lower rates of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, tobacco use, and early teenage pregnancy? Did you also know that consistent family dinners have been found to lead to higher rates of resilience and self esteem?
It is hard to imagine that committing to sitting down together, for let’s say 30 minutes, to share a meal can do all that, but trust me, family dinners are a secret super power that can assist with formulating stronger bonds filled with trust, enjoyment and healthier, more open communication.
It communicates to your children and/or spouse that they are important and valued. It communicates that you are invested in the details of one another’s days, interested to learn what they are excited about, and there to validate and support the challenges. It communicates that they are worth stopping all the noise, all the hustle and bustle of the day, to prioritize one another above all else and have time distraction and technology-free.
I grew up in a family of nine, as I am one of seven children born from parents who have been married for over 55 years. Now that I am an adult and a mother of two myself, I stand in complete awe and appreciation that somehow my parents were able to make it a point to have family dinner almost every single night growing up. How was that even possible with all our conflicting schedules, responsibilities and demands?
I now understand what seemed so simple and what I took for granted back then, only looked simple because they made it simple. They simply set the expectation, held it to high regard and their children settled into a routine that I now look back on with such fondness and gratitude. I hope my own children will look back on our carved out time together each day through the same lens and pass on this secret power to their own family one day.
Do you want to unlock the superpower?
Start with making the commitment and looking at the calendar to put it into action. Where do those 30 minutes best fit in? Maybe some days you may find an hour, another day you may only have 20 minutes. Maybe some days you eat early, some days a little later. If this seems like a daunting task as you look at your calendar right now, start small and maybe schedule family dinner once or twice a week. What is most important is that you make those moments count.
Check in with one another, share funny quips from your day, ask questions, and most importantly, listen and enjoy each other’s company. You could even develop a sort of dinner starting routine in which everyone shares a high and low from their day or answer a would you rather or other type of silly question just to get people talking, relating and debating.
What is most important is that you realize you deserve to slow down and take in the moments with the beautiful family in front of you that you created. Go back to the beginning when you were first dreaming of the family you wanted to have one day and then use that as your inspiration to check what is going well and where you can make improvements to be as close to that ideal image of “family life” you once had in your mind.
We know that kids learn most not from what we say but by what they see us doing. So why not have them observe you fully present and valuing their thoughts, feelings, and humor? Have them learn how good it feels to surround themselves with people who treat them similarly so better decisions are more likely to then follow.
Written By,
Janet Radziszewski, LCSW
Comentários