“Healing is not linear.” I’m sure this is not the first time that you’re hearing that, but if it is, it’s true; healing does not usually happen in a quick, easy fashion, and sometimes healing can take many turns and many back tracks that it doesn’t always feel like you are healing at times. In general, healing can feel like an overwhelming journey and can especially feel that way when you are coping with all the feelings that come after the end of a long-term relationship. When someone has been a significant part of your life for years, their absence (even if for the better) can leave an emotional void, challenging your sense of self and stability. However, the process of healing, while difficult, offers an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and a chance for renewal.
The first step in healing is to allow yourself to grieve. A long-term relationship represents not just the loss of a person but also the dreams, routines, and shared history you built together. Suppressing these feelings only delays the process. It is okay to cry, to feel angry, and/or to mourn what was lost. Any and all of these emotions are a natural response to the end of something meaningful, and giving them space to surface and process through is an essential part of moving forward. Acknowledge to yourself that it is okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Journaling or talking to someone you trust can be a helpful and healthy way to process your emotions.
Self-care becomes especially important during this time. When a relationship ends, it can be easy to neglect your well-being while focusing on the pain. However, taking care of yourself - physically, mentally, emotionally - lays the foundation for recovery. Make sure to prioritize rest, nourishing meals, and physical activity, even if they feel only like small victories. Self-care can look like many different things, whether it’s taking walks, meditating, or indulging in your favorite hobby; regularly engage in these things that bring you comfort. Engaging in activities you enjoy or trying new ones can also help to rekindle a sense of joy and purpose that you may be needing. These things can be a good distraction during this time, as well as get you connected back to yourself and the things that make you feel content and at peace.
Rebuilding your identity is another crucial part of healing. In a long-term relationship, it’s easy for your sense of self to become intertwined with your partner’s. Now is the time to rediscover who you are outside of that dynamic. Revisit old hobbies or passions that you might have set aside during the relationship, or explore new interests that excite you. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who remind you of your worth and help you feel connected during moments of loneliness.
As you begin to heal, it’s essential to reflect on the relationship with honesty and compassion. Acknowledge the good moments without romanticizing the past, but also recognize the challenges and reasons the relationship ended. This balanced perspective can help you learn from the experience and can help prevent you from becoming stuck in longing for what was or blaming yourself unnecessarily. Reflecting on the relationship can also help you understand what you want (and don’t want) moving forward in relationships. It’s not about dwelling but about learning from past experiences in order to create healthier connections in the future.
As the initial pain begins to fade, consider the possibilities ahead, as that may have been harder to do at first. While it’s cliche, it’s true that when one chapter closes, even when painful, it opens the door for another one. Try and shift your focus to the positives in your life right now; gratitude can help reframe your mindset, making it slightly easier to see a path forward. You have so many opportunities to redefine your goals, pursue dreams you may have put on hold, and focus on your own personal growth. It can be helpful to try and embrace this as a chance to deepen your understanding of yourself and what you truly want in life and future relationships.
As mentioned above, healing is not linear. There will be good days and bad, moments of clarity, and times when emotions resurface unexpectedly. Even when you feel like you are healing, you may have a day that feels like it sets you back, but this is normal. Be patient with yourself, allow yourself time to heal, and remember that it’s okay to seek help and rely on your support system during this time. Therapy or counseling can also provide valuable support, offering tools to process your emotions and build resilience as you move forward. Above all, trust that healing is possible. The pain you feel now may not help you see that, but it will lessen over time. You can emerge stronger, wiser, and even more connected to yourself. While the end of a long-term relationship can feel like a loss, and sometimes is one, it can also become an opportunity for a positive and healthy beginning of a new, fulfilling chapter of your life.
Affirmations to repeat to yourself while healing from a relationship:
I am worthy of love and respect.
I give myself permission to feel what I need to in order to heal.
This is hard, but I will grow stronger through this.
I am creating space for peace and joy in my life.
I deserve to be loved for all I am and who I am.
Written By,
Emily Blair, ALMFT
Comments