Boundaries can be difficult to set with anyone, but setting them with people that you work with can be a challenge all in itself. While it can be difficult to set healthy boundaries with coworkers who also may be your friend, it also is essential for maintaining professionalism while preserving that friendship and relationship. Before we get into how to navigate through certain examples, let’s talk through some practical steps to help you establish and maintain your boundaries effectively and appropriately.
Define your boundaries clearly → Decide what is acceptable in your professional and personal interactions. Separate work responsibilities from friendships, like avoiding favoritism or special treatment. Also, be mindful of sharing personal information at work, ensuring it doesn’t affect your professional image.
Communicate openly and respectfully → If a situation feels uncomfortable, address it calmly and directly. As mentioned before in previous blogs regarding boundaries and communication, use “I” statements to express concerns: “I value our friendship, but I need to keep our work discussions separate from personal things.”
Set work-life balance expectations → Like the example above, try to avoid work-related conversations during personal outings. Respect each other’s off-hours unless it’s urgent work-related communication, and refrain from venting about work too often in social settings.
Stay professional in the workplace → It’s helpful and important to maintain professionalism in meetings, emails, and work-related discussions. Avoid discussing sensitive work issues or office gossip that could impact your credibility. If disagreements arise at work, handle them objectively without letting your personal feelings interfere.
Be mindful of social media interactions → It’s up to you to decide how much of your personal life you want to share with your colleagues online. Be cautious about posting work-related frustrations or inside jokes that could be misinterpreted. Things online have a way of staying online forever.
Address conflicts early → If a work-related conflict arises, remember to not let personal feelings cloud your judgement. Discuss the issues directly and professionally, ensuring they don’t strain your friendship or working relationship.
Know when to reevaluate the friendship → If the relationship is causing stress or interfering with your work, it may be necessary to adjust how you interact. Set firm boundaries if your friend isn’t respecting your professional needs.
Balancing work and friendship can be tricky, especially when professional and personal lines start to blur. One of the biggest challenges can be knowing when to switch between professional and personal modes. If a colleague-friend messages you about work outside of office hours, it can be important to set a boundary letting them know that you’ll handle it during work hours. A simple response like, “I’m logging off for the night, but I’ll check first thing in the morning,” can reinforce your limits while keeping things professional.
Personal outings can also become extensions of the workday if conversations constantly revolve around office matters. If work talk starts to take over, gently steer the conversation elsewhere by asking about their personal life or hobbies. This can help maintain a genuine friendship outside of work without letting the job stress seep into personal time too much. Another tricky situation can be handling work favors. If your friend at work frequently asks for help beyond your responsibilities, it’s okay to say no while still being supportive. A response like, “I’d love to help, but I have my own workload to focus on. Maybe we could brainstorm together for a few minutes?” can help keep the balance between being a good coworker and also protecting your own time.
Social media can also blur boundaries, especially if work friends are connected online. As mentioned above, it’s helpful to be mindful of what you share and to set personal boundaries around availability. Just because you’re friends doesn’t mean you need to be accessible at all times. If a colleague-friend starts overstepping, addressing it early can help prevent resentment. A simple conversation like, “I really value our friendship, and I want to make sure we keep work and personal life balanced. Let’s keep work chats at the office so we can enjoy our time outside of work,” can help continue to reinforce that distinction without damaging your relationship.
Saying no to coworkers and colleagues can feel uncomfortable at times, especially when you don’t want to disappoint others or create tension. However, constantly saying yes can lead to burnout, resentment, and an overwhelming workload. The key to setting boundaries to learning how to decline requests with confidence while maintaining professionalism and kindness. One way to approach this is by acknowledging the request while standing firm in your response. If a colleague or friend asks for a favor that stretches your limits, you can say, “I’d love to help, but I’m already tied up with my own workload.” This validates their need but makes it clear that you have priorities of your own. If turning them down completely feels difficult, offering a smaller alternative can help, such as, “I can’t take on the whole project, but I’d be happy to give you some feedback on a few points.”
It’s also important to recognize that you don’t need to provide long explanations. A simple and polite response like, “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I can’t commit to that right now,” is enough. Over-explaining can sometimes invite negotiation, which can sometimes make it harder to hold your ground. If someone persists, repeating your answer with slight variation can help to reinforce your boundary without escalating the conversation. Guilt can often play a big role in the difficulty of saying no, especially when declining a request from a friend or a boss. Remind yourself that protecting your time and energy is not selfish, but it allows you to be more effective in the commitments you do to choose to take on. It’s okay to prioritize your well-being, and people who respect you will understand.
The more you practice setting boundaries, the easier it becomes. At first, it may feel uncomfortable, but over time, you’ll build the confidence to say no without hesitation, guilt, or fear of damaging relationships.
Written By,
Emily Blair, ALMFT
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