Parents face many decisions when it comes to their children. You want what is best for them and often have to balance that with what they want. It is not uncommon for parents to recognize that their child might benefit from therapy before the child does. Maybe you’ve noticed your child struggling in school, having difficulties with peers, having a hard time in social situations, or becoming increasingly anxious or depressed. Deciding to go to therapy can be tough, but how do you even approach the idea with your child? In this article, I will discuss potential signs that your child might need some extra support and ways to approach the conversation about therapy.
Signs that your child may need extra support
First, I want to emphasize that therapy can be a tool for anyone, at any point in your life. Below I will list several symptoms that you may notice in your teen that might indicate that they need support. This is by no means an exhaustive list; many people choose to go to therapy for a variety of reasons!
- Sleeping more or less than usual
- Disengaging from things that they previously enjoyed
- Declining grades or difficulty focusing in school
- Engaging in risky behaviors
- Self harm thoughts or behaviors
- Increased frequency and intensity of arguments,
- Refusal to follow directions
- Difficulties concentrating
Even if your child isn't showing symptoms, therapy can still be beneficial. Later in this article, I will discuss some potential benefits of therapy, even in the absence of specific symptoms.
How to tell my child that they are going to therapy?
Ultimately, the decision to attend therapy may not be entirely up to your child; especially if it is court mandated or a necessary intervention. However, the way that you approach this topic with your child can greatly impact their understanding of treatment and their initial success.
I recommend that parents be as honest as they can be with their child. This means having a calm conversation about what therapy is, how it may help, and answer any questions that your child may have. A helpful place to start may be the benefits and drawbacks that therapy may pose.
Potential Drawbacks of Therapy:
- Time commitment
- Vulnerable
- Difficult work
Potential Benefits of Therapy:
- Identifying and understanding your emotions
- Getting tips on how to communicate with others
- Learning to advocate for yourself and others
- Identifying your values
- Finding a way to feel at peace
- Getting to talk to someone who is impartial
- So many others!!!
Potential Age Differences
For highschoolers
Teens often value their privacy, so reassure them that therapy is their space to work on personal goals and challenges. Involve them in the process by encouraging them to help choose a therapist. They will be able to look online, pick someone who they may feel a connection to, and get to know their therapist even before they meet.
For middle schoolers
At this age, it may be helpful to frame therapy as a space to learn about emotions and explore ways to feel better about certain challenges that they are facing. Using age-appropriate language is ideal. For example, you may explain therapy as “a place to talk about things that might feel hard or confusing”.
For younger children:
Keep the explanation simple and reassuring. You could say, “you’ll get to meet someone who is good at helping kids. You also get to play games and have fun while you talk”. Again, using age appropriate language is key to help the child understand and feel more comfortable with the process.
What I do as a therapist to help with the process.
If parents have not had this conversation with their child yet, I will provide guidance during our initial meeting. Specifically, I will tell them how I structure my sessions and what their child can expect in their first meeting with me. Here are some typical things that I may say:
For all ages, I always want to push for children to come to session without their parents. This helps establish therapy as a safe and independent space for them to share things openly. It also provides an early opportunity to work on managing anxious thoughts and behaviors.
For older children/teens, I usually offer to play icebreaker games so that we are able to get to know each other in a more casual manner. During this time, I will ask them questions about school, their home, their friends, and many other things. I also leave space for them to ask me any questions.
For younger children, I will show them around the office and ask them if they want to play any games, color, or do a puzzle. This session will look less structured than with older children because I want the child to get used to the room, toys, and nature of the questions I will be asking them. While we play games, I might ask them questions about their pets, family, and school (if they attend). If they are really young, I will focus on parallel play and work to build trust.
By tailoring my approach to each child’s age and comfort level, I aim to make therapy a positive and supportive experience from the start.
At Cutting Edge Counseling of the North Shore, we're proud to offer our services to clients in Northbrook and the surrounding communities, including Glenview, Deerfield, Highland Park, Wheeling, Northfield, Glencoe, Winnetka, Buffalo Grove, Riverwoods, Lincolnshire, Prospect Heights, Vernon Hills, Mount Prospect, Arlington Heights, and Des Plaines. Our commitment is to provide personalized and effective therapy to help you achieve your goals.
Written By,
Jordan Adamson, LPC
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