It’s that time of the year again! New Year’s resolutions are upon us. As a therapist, I hear many of my clients talking about their own resolutions and goals for the upcoming year. While I LOVE setting goals and planning for the upcoming year, I don’t love the “new year, new me” mindset. I’ll tell you why- and I’ll offer up some alternatives to common resolution roadblocks.
Rome wasn’t built in a day
By far, the biggest issue I have with the “new year, new me” mentality is that it implies that suddenly everything will change on January 1. If your goal is to eat healthier or exercise more, what’s going to change between December 31 and January 1? I’ve heard people say that they will start going to the gym 5 days a week in January when they haven’t been to the gym in months before that. The first question I ask is “what’s changing between the 31st and the 1st that will get you to the gym 5 times a week?” Will you magically have more time than you did before? Will your motivation to achieve this goal last you the whole year? What barriers got in the way of you going to the gym before that will be gone now?
Change is a long-term, one-step-at-a-time kind of thing. The all-or-nothing mindset goes against how we conceptualize the process of change. The transtheoretical model of change is a theory common in therapy rooms and other settings where behavior change is a prime topic. This model postulates that change happens in stages rather than all at once and that much of the journey to changing behavior is getting to the point of being ready to make the change and taking action steps. New Year’s is a common time for people to feel ready for change- which is great! However, New Year’s is also a common time for people to attempt to make changes in ineffective ways. If you’ve ever set a “going to the gym” resolution and stuck with it through January, you’ve likely seen the crowds at the gym drastically diminish by weeks 3-5 of the new year. This isn’t because people decided they wanted to stop being healthy. This is because they likely set a goal for change that was unattainable.
If you haven’t been going to the gym at all, going to the gym 5 days a week is a BIG change. That’s at least 3-6 hours of exercise time a week you didn’t have before. Where is that time coming from? Is your body able to handle that big of a shift in physical exertion? What’s your backup plan if you can’t make it one day? These are barriers that get in the way of success!
Set smaller goals to help you work towards the bigger goal
If you want to be a regular gym-goer, great! Rather than setting the likely unrealistic expectation of making that change all at once, think about how you can set yourself up to make this a lasting change. Do you need to work on setting aside time each day? Do you need to build strength and stamina in order to exercise that often? What are the things that might get in the way? And how can you set up smaller goals on the journey to the bigger goal? Maybe you start with 1 or 2 days a week for a month then 3 days a week for February, then 4 days a week in March and 5 days a week in April. Then for May and June the goal is to maintain 5 days a week.
You might be thinking it sounds crazy to take 6 months to reach this goal. That is a long time when you’re looking at it from the start. However, if taking it slower means you stick with it and build this change into your routine, then what’s the harm? The alternative is that you aren’t able to stick with the change and then feel guilt or shame for not meeting your goals. Try using SMART goals to help structure your goal-setting and planning!
This applies to removing unhelpful behaviors too
Unless you are someone struggling with addiction or other unsafe behaviors and need the support of professionals, you can set smaller goals for removing unhelpful or unhealthy behaviors. Do you spend too much time scrolling? Would you like to drink less soda? Figure out how much of the unhelpful behavior you’re engaging in each day and set small goals to decrease that time. Make a plan for what you will do instead so you can begin to practice filling that time with something more productive.
Find ways to hold yourself accountable
Whether we break goals into big or small chunks, change is still hard! It can be really easy to say “I’m too tired” or “I don’t have enough time” or “a few more minutes of scrolling won’t hurt”. As many of us have experienced, giving ourselves permission to skip a day or cheat a little can easily turn into a repetitive pattern. By finding ways to hold ourselves accountable, we can challenge these moments. Remind yourself how you’ll feel later if you make a helpful versus an unhelpful choice. Pack your gym bag and bring it to work with you. Or don’t let yourself purchase the soda so it isn’t in the house. Perhaps finding a buddy who has a similar goal would be helpful! Find some strategies that will help you remember what you’re really working towards and how skipping a day or cheating a little might hinder you!
So, long story short- goals and making healthy changes in our lives are both great things! But there are often many small things we need to change or adjust in order to accomplish that bigger goal. By focusing on setting attainable goals and breaking goals into smaller steps, you can set yourself up to really be a new you by the end of the year and beyond!
Written By,
Alyssa Onan, LPC
Comments