There’s a stage in almost every relationship, usually at the beginning, where there’s an abundance of infatuation, love, a sort of “all-consuming passion,” that a lot of people know as the “honeymoon phase.” While that phase can last for a good amount of time, it is called a phase because that’s just what it is - it most of the time is not sustainable or able to last for the entirety of a relationship. That is not to say that infatuation and attraction to one another is not still a big factor, but it is just no longer the only factor that is important in a relationship. As the relationship continues to grow, some of those “blinders” that may have been there in that beginning stage of the relationship have fallen off a little bit, and it’s most likely that more work needs to be put into it than before. That is where the second level of the Sound Relationship House comes into play.
The second level is called Sharing Fondness and Admiration and focuses on intentionally focusing on what we admire and love about our partner, while counteracting any contempt that could potentially grow. This is something that a lot of couples at the beginning of the relationship view as their strength, where they are pretty good at showing and communicating that affection and admiration towards one another. While that may be the case, it still is important to create healthy patterns now, and at any stage of the relationship, to continue throughout it once the honeymoon phase comes to an end. That can be done by focusing on and sharing that fondness and admiration for one another.
Everyone loves to hear something good about themselves, especially from their partner; who doesn’t. Being in a relationship, it’s obvious there are many things you are “fond of” or like about one another, and it’s important to share that with your partner as often as you can, even if it seems like they already know. It’s one thing to say “I’m attracted to you,” but by including the why and the what, that can show your partner just how much you truly do mean to them; for example “I’m attracted to you and this is why…,” or “I am amazed at how well you…”
Not only is it important to continuously share what you admire about your partner, it’s also extremely important to share that appreciation for all you do for one another. Showing gratitude for your partner can go a long way, even over everyday things that most people probably don’t get enough appreciation for. A way that you can incorporate gratitude and appreciation for one another into your everyday lives is by having a list of positive adjectives, some listed below, and picking an adjective for why you appreciate them and a specific incident that exemplifies that adjective. If we make a habit of doing this at least a couple times every week, it can intentionally reinforce the positives of your relationship and of one another.
As mentioned, compiled below are a lot of adjectives. Start by choosing 2 and thinking of 2 specific situations that your partner embodied/continues to embody that trait. Take turns talking about why this is something you admire about them, and hopefully this is something that can be turned into a weekly routine.
ADJECTIVES:
Loving
Thoughtful
Intelligent
Kind
Reliable
Funny
Strong
Understanding
Caring
Creative
Beautiful
Easygoing
Practical
Adventurous
Insightful
Patient
Hopeful
Relaxed
Nurturing
Imaginative
This is just a small, but not exhaustive, list of positive adjectives that can be used when sharing fondness and admiration towards your partner. As stated above, this is also something that should be done even if we feel that this is a strength currently in the relationship; there is nothing wrong with continuing to strengthen that area and continuing to build on the foundation of love and trust within your relationship.
This not only can strengthen the foundation of the relationship and deepen that love you have for one another, but it can also be a way to create more conversations and communication surrounding the positives of your relationship and each of you individually. You can talk about why you each choose that adjective and the significance and value it holds for each of you that your partner embodies that trait. By talking through what each of you value, you can start and continue to build on the shared meaning of your relationship and how you want to continue to grow together to get there.
This is an easy, simple thing to incorporate into your relationship and everyday lives that can help decrease any future contempt or disdain that may come up. By intentionally adding more affection, love, respect, and meaning to your relationship, it can help it grow and build in a number of healthy ways and continue to create the relationship you both want.
Written by,
Emily Blair, ALMFT
www.cuttingedge-therapy.com
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