We have been through all seven floors of the Sound Relationship House (the concept introduced by the Gottmans), but what we haven’t touched on are the “walls” of the house. Each floor of the house has its own level of importance, but the house (the relationship) would not be standing without the walls and pillars of the house, which are trust and commitment. Trust and commitment are foundational elements of any healthy and successful relationship and can have a negative impact if they are absent.
First, let’s talk about what trust and commitment both mean and look like within a relationship. Trust involves having confidence in someone’s reliability, integrity, and intentions. It means believing that the other person will act in ways that are consistent with your well-being, even when you’re vulnerable or uncertain. Commitment refers to the dedication and responsibility each person takes to nurture and maintain the relationship over time. It involves a conscious choice to prioritize the relationship and work through challenges together. Commitment means staying emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically engaged in the relationship, even when it’s challenging.
In a relationship, trust can present itself in many different ways. It looks like honesty, when both partners are open and truthful with each other. It can be when you both consistently follow through on commitments and promises to each other. Trusting that when someone says they will do something, they do it. Trust also creates a safe space for both people to share their thoughts, feelings, and fears without fear of judgment or rejection, allowing both partners to be vulnerable. When both people within the relationship understand and respect one another’s boundaries - whether emotions, physical, personal, etc. - it demonstrates a level of trustworthiness that can further strengthen the relationship.
Commitment and trust look similar within the relationship and also each play a role in the other. Commitment looks like loyalty and faithfulness; when both partners remain dedicated to each other, honoring agreements, and not betraying each other’s confidence and expectations. Commitment also means prioritizing the relationship over other distractions or personal pursuits, ensuring that both partners feel valued and cared for. Every relationship faces difficulties, but committed partners actively work to resolve conflicts, grow, and learn together instead of walking away at the first sign of trouble. It involves seeing the relationship as an ongoing partner. Decisions are made with a view toward building a future together, whether in terms of shared goals, finances, or life plans.
Without trust and commitment, relationships can struggle with insecurity, increased conflict, and instability. Let’s dive into a few key points of why trust and commitment are so crucial:
Building emotional safety: Trust creates a safe environment where both partners feel secure in expressing their true selves, sharing their vulnerabilities, and relying on each other. This emotional safety fosters a deeper connection and understanding. Commitment also reassures both partners that they are in the relationship for the long haul, providing a sense of stability and security that allows them to invest fully in the relationship.
Fosters open communication: When trust is present, partners can feel confident that they can communicate openly without fear of judgment, rejection, or betrayal. This honesty is vital for resolving conflicts and understanding each other’s needs. Commitment helps to motivate partners to engage in difficult conversations and work through challenges together, knowing their efforts are focused on maintaining a strong and lasting relationship.
Enhances emotional and physical intimacy: Trust is essential for emotional and physical intimacy. When partners trust each other, they feel safe to be vulnerable, which strengthens their emotional bond and deepens the physical connection. Commitment reinforces the emotional and physical connection between partners, as they prioritize each other’s needs and desires, knowing that their bond is valued and protected.
Supporting personal growth: In a trusting relationship, partners support each other’s personal growth and ambitions, knowing that they have each other’s best interests at heart. This trust helps to foster independence and self-improvement. Commitment also provides a stable foundation from which both partners can explore their individual goals and interests, secure in the knowledge that their relationship remains a constant source of support.
Navigating challenges together: When trust is strong, partners can face challenges together, knowing that they can rely on each other. This collaborative approach helps in finding solutions and overcoming obstacles together. Commitment can help ensure both partners are willing to work through difficult times, reinforcing their bond and resilience as a couple.
Building a foundation for love: Love thrives in an environment of trust. When partners trust one another, their love can grow deeper and more meaningful over time. Commitment sustains love by ensuring that both partners remain dedicated to nurturing and persevering their relationship, even in the face of challenges
Building and reinforcing trust and commitment in and throughout a relationship is essential for fostering a strong, lasting bond. These two things provide the foundation for emotional safety, open communication, intimacy, respect, and mutual support and understanding. By cultivating trust and demonstrating commitment, couples can build a strong partnership that not only withstands challenges but also fosters love, happiness, and long-term fulfillment. These elements are the glue and walls that hold the relationship together, allowing it to grow, evolve, and thrive over time.
At Cutting Edge Counseling of the North Shore, we're proud to offer our services to clients in Northbrook and the surrounding communities, including Glenview, Deerfield, Highland Park, Wheeling, Northfield, Glencoe, Winnetka, Buffalo Grove, Riverwoods, Lincolnshire, Prospect Heights, Vernon Hills, Mount Prospect, Arlington Heights, and Des Plaines. Our commitment is to provide personalized and effective therapy to help you achieve your goals.
Written By,
Emily Blair, ALMFT
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